This is it. After a year and a half of a job that consisted of stress, sitting on my bum and super stress I am 35 pounds heavier. I reached my breaking point late this evening when I failed at trying to take a picture of myself with my chin on my knee. Apparently I can't do that anymore.
You know it's bad when you get winded trying to pick up a pencil. Sometimes I feel like my neck fat is suffocating me. So I'm putting in my resignation....
Dear Fat-self,
While the experience has definitely been new and filled with opportunities to put more "umph" into daily activities than I ever have before I feel that we must now move on in different directions. As of Saturday, April 9, 2011 I will no longer be able to share the charming chubby moments of sneaking one, maybe two or five, more Ghirardelli chocolates that we so sneakily hid out in the open so that midnight-snacking-self wouldn't find them in the pantry. I thought for a brief moment there that it was ingenious to make sure that the whole bag was consumed before the 9 o'clock hour to avoid eating so late. No longer will I be able to share the closeness and the warm embrace of your large chaffing thighs. Please believe me when I say it's not you... It's me. I let us get too close. Too comfortable in the soft caved in corner of the living room sectional from so many occupied hours in front of the video games, laptop and cellphone all at once. It may have seemed like we were multitasking at the time when in fact the minutes were fleeting so quickly that I barely knew what hit me when it suddenly dawned on me that.... I don't love you anymore. So please, pack all your bags... All of them. The side ones, the back ones, the chinny chin chin ones, the front ones, the ass ones you may take or leave but the boobs I keep. I'll fight you for them if you try to take those away. I expect to see you completely gone by tomorrow. Is that too unreasonable? Tough.
Sincerely,
Significantly-less-fat-self
With that said I know it'll be a tough journey, as I am stupid lazy and haven't a plan yet aside from more exercise, eating even earlier in the day, more water instead of juice and smaller portions.
If all else fails, I guess I can purchase some ipecac for a reasonable price on Ebay somewhere...
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